3 Steps to Get Comfortable Connecting with Others after Isolation
Are you missing people and don’t know what to do about it? Are you lonely and experiencing emotional or physical pain because of it? Sometimes we can be very comfortable in our routines and habits. Especially after a season of rest (or quarantine), we spend more time at home or alone than is good for our whole health.
You like being home. Me too.
But the information is in and connecting with others is critical for our overall well-being. Your emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health are all better when you are in relationship with others.
“But I am comfortable being home. It is uncomfortable to reach out and connect with others. Besides I don’t know what to do,” you say. Actually, I am glad you said that. Let’s change that for you with these three steps.
1. Make a connection plan
The first action is to create and write down a connection plan. On a blank page of your notebook, planner, bullet journal, or any sheet of paper, list the numbers 1-10. Then brainstorm ideas and actions you can take to be face to face with someone you know. List the idea and the person’s name. For example… 1. get out of the car and talk to Sara or another mom when take S to soccer practice. In this action, you are identifying your intention - talk to Sara. You plan the time - when you take your daughter to practice. You also establish a backup plan - another mom if Sara is unavailable. Continue listing ideas and people for 2-10.
If you are creative, like Pinterest, or have teenagers you are observing, you may use other’s ideas for specific ways to connect. There are ideas galore and likely your teen is experiencing social situations for first time so you can do what they do. Go for it!
If you don’t feel comfortable coming up with ideas, use the plan I already created called the 10 Day Connection Challenge. When you subscribe to The Commons by sharing your email, you get all the news about podcasts and resources, plus the free connection challenge. The plan is daily for 10 days with a bonus and comes with a pdf if you are a visual learner and like to check off lists and also a private audio feed you can listen to for a few minutes daily for the ten days. With these resources you are set up for maximum results. Having the connection challenge in your hands means you can start right away and not use “not having a plan” as an excuse for your lack of connecting.
2. Do what you used to do
It is now time to act on your plan. As you are following the plan you created or the free resource, tap into what you used to do before isolation and when you were a kid. By reflecting on what you did before, you bring up memories and remind yourself of who you are and what you like. You may even recall the values you claim and the value you place on relationships. All of your reflections and memories will be motivation to persist in getting comfortable.
Before isolation what did your connections look like. Were you a social butterfly saying yes to every invitation and on the go frequently? Or were you more likely to see only a few people in smaller gatherings and more intimate conversations? Either way, you can recall the days before you were isolated due to situational, seasonal, or personal causes. Then you can take action that is consistent with who you are and what you value. For me, although I am social my pre-isolation preference was one-on-one conversations or small group settings. Yep, nothing has changed there.
When you were a kid, you naturally did what was fun and what you enjoyed. What were those activities and things? Did you like being outside or inside? Did you like quiet activities or rowdy activities? Were you more sedentary or active? Be specific in thinking about what you did as a kid. For me, I was always a reader and liked to talk about stories. Still true.
Now is a good time to review and update your plan in light of your reflections about what you used to due before isolation and when you were a kid. Probably you won’t have major changes. But maybe you initially chose an idea that isn’t really you. You can amend your plan now.
3. Remember why connection is important
You may be tempted as you are making your plan or reflecting on it to question the value of this effort. You may even try to talk yourself out of going forward and taking action. Don’t stop.
Instead remind yourself why connection is important. This started because of your desire to be with people, to have face to face conversations, and/or to stop feeling lonely. To affect these results you must take action. That is what you are doing in reading these words and putting in the effort. So remind yourself that this is worth it. Your relationships are important.
There are also many reasons backed by science to pursue connection. Spend a moment or two searching those studies out. Then get right back to your personal journey to connection. You can also hear stories of connection by searching The Commons with Karla on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Each week you will hear a conversation from an everyday woman about her unique story, lessons learned, and her need for community. The stories are meant to inspire you as you make deeper connections and press into your community.
And that’s it! You see, you can get comfortable connecting with others by making a plan, doing what you used to do, and remembering why connection is important. Three simple steps in the right direction can move your from lonely to connected and give you the better relationships you want.
